Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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