Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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