I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
