I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
