She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
