So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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