so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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