I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
