The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ok first of all what the fuck
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
