it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
