Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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