I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
