Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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