we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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