Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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