i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
