my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
