My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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