cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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