I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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