some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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