We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
