Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
