I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Help. Why am I so naked?
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