Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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