Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize