Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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