hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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