the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
