now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
