went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
