i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
