tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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