Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
