Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
