I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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