I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
