how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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