so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
