i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do herpes really smell.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
