Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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