I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
