so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
