He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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