Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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