I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i now understand why vodka
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
