Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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