Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
