but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
