What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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