Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
