I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
