His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
