My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
