Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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