my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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