I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
