He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
