fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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