at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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