My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
