I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
