There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
