I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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